“Much like life… sandwiches are” said master Yoda never. Nor did he say “may the sandwich be with you”, yet here we are, caught between a bun and an evenly sliced pickle, unable to have our sandwich and eat it.

I could continue and point out many more things that were never said about the meaning of a sandwich, about the role of sandwiches in society or simply the best order in which to assemble one. The fact remains that to reach true enlightenment you must first become one with the sandwich.

” How do I achieve oneness … “

you might ask. Well, my young sesame bun learner, let me tell you, one does not simply walk into Subway. There is no order you can place at any counter that will still your hunger. Lettuce be known that only he who parts the bread is on the true path to fulfilment. It is a narrow and difficult path beset on all sides by the inequities of the soggy, and the tyranny of stale bread. Blessed is he who in the name of whole grained mustard and feta cheese, seasons complete with dressing and peppercorns. Perhaps I find myself slightly besides my point. Let me say this in adjustment, sandwiches will come to you in many forms and often as alluring as unexpected.

“What’s this shit I hear about the dark side … “

you might ask.  The dark side seeks only to char grill, it will win you over with cheeseburgers and dagwoods. The dark side is not to be trusted, it rewards submission with cholesterol, over time turning even the strongest among us into sluggish blobs. Choose wisely and start small. Many before you have risen fully on PB&J, grill cheese and chicken-mayo.

Sandwiches have been around for a long time, longer that you and I. After we are long gone the mighty sandwich will remain. It is not for you and I to say what makes a good sandwich or a bad one. What matters is getting off your lazy ass and making your own.